I was privileged to recently have had an unbelievable experience, but before I relay it, I think it would be helpful to give a bit of background on myself. My master and I have been exploring the lifestyle for about 9 months actively. Outside of our BDSM life, I am a very dominant person. Inside the lifestyle, it is exhilarating to be able to have the control stripped from me and give myself over to another whom I feel is deserving of it. Likewise, I am very outgoing in my "straight life", and it takes quite a bit to embarrass me. In my submissive role, I embarrass quite easily. It is horrifying to me to be displayed by my Master to others, and yet I thrill at the thought. When in a scene, I loose myself in moment and become engulfed by the sensations that I am feeling. I have no thought as to what I am doing, and am able to just let go of my inhibitions completely. One of the things that relinquishing control and has helped U/us with is my ability to orgasm. Before entering the BDSM scene, I could rarely orgasm unless it was through masturbation, and I couldn't do it unless I was alone. I was too self-conscious to let myself go. With the help of the power exchange and my Master, I was able to let go of myself and just ride the sensations over the edge. By being stripped of thought, I was able to reach new levels. This has obviously been a wonderful thing for me, but I still find at times where I fight the release, and this is something that W/we are working to overcome.

At a recent event, Master and I had a chance to sit and visit with Lord Prophett and His wonderful girls **** and rayna. One of the things we discussed was the ability to process erotic pain. Both of His girls are exceptional at this, but I find myself on the edge of panic when I know that the intensity of pain will be stepped up. Although I crave it, I am terrified. While talking, Lord Prophett inquired of my Master if He could "try something." At Master's command, I slid over to sit in front of Lord Prophett at His feet, facing out away from him. After having watched Him with His girls, I was more nervous than I can say. I had no idea what was in store for me, and while I trusted His ability to read me, as well as my Master's, I was terrified of doing something that would embarrass myself and my Master. After I settled in, Lord Prophett slid one hand inside my robe and the other across my chest for support. I closed my eyes and tried to take myself to that thoughtless place where I find my ability to lose myself in the moment. I could feel Lord Prophett's fingers on my nipple, gently working it. At the same time, He leaned in close to my ear and began to inform me that He was a sadist and that this most definitely would hurt! Although He was only telling me something I already knew, a wonderful twinge of fear shot through me. As He began to squeeze/twist my nipple (to be honest I'm not sure what He was doing, only that it began to hurt deliciously!) I tried to relax my body and slow my breathing as so many tell me to do. As the intensity picked up, I felt the panic that I so often have rising inside me. My breathing started coming quicker, and I began to think, "I can't do this!" On the heels of this was the thought that I will disgrace both my Master and myself by my inability to handle what it is He wants. Although I consciously know that Master would never be disgraced, it is a thought that adds to my feeling of panic. It is a terrible war I wage with more intense physical play where I feel splintered, both wanting it to go on and wanting it to stop. During this internal dilemma, Lord Prophett has not stopped whispering in my ear, and as my panic is rising, He informs me very matter of factly that if I don't slow my breathing down and relax, it will only hurt that much worse. I am, of course, invited to continue my inner struggles if that is what I wish. As the pain became worse, I worked to relax my body. The way that He has stated this makes me know that regardless of my choice, He will continue as He desired. His voice constantly in my ear began to make me feel dizzy. I remember it as a low growling voice, but infused with power. This seemed to be somewhat at odds with the matter of fact things He was saying, and felt strangely comforting. I felt as if His voice were booming in my head, although I was later told that nobody else could hear what it was He was saying. His words seemed to infuse with my thoughts, and I had a hard time following what it was that was being said and what it was that I was thinking. I felt as if I was lost in His voice, not able to hold on to any of the thoughts that flitted through my mind. With the pain in my nipple becoming razor sharp, I began to become distantly aware that my other breast was throbbing. I could feel the pain radiating across my chest, and shooting to the nipple that was left untouched. This went on for what seemed an eternity (although I know it was very short), and I began to look forward to the sharp spikes of pain. I remember Lord Prophett asking me if I liked it, and if I wanted more, could take more. Being a very nonverbal person while I am "under" I was struggling to find my voice. And I was terrified of what I would answer. I didn't want this pain to end, but at the same time, I didn't know if I could take it. Not getting an immediate answer, Lord Prophett supplied it for me. He told me "Say yes" after each question, and I could hear myself whisper out yes. I felt as if I had no will of my own left. The answer He supplied would be the one I gave.

Now came a twist that I was unprepared for. One of Lord Prophett's accomplishments is His ability to make His girls come on command. Because I have been asked to give an honest accounting, I will have to tell you that I was a bit skeptical about this. It just didn't seem to be something that would be possible. When He began informing me that He was going to be giving me a command, and that I would obey it, I prayed that the dreaded words would not come out of His mouth. Of course, my command was to come. I knew that it would not be possible, but His voice was insistent in my ear. With my nipple still in His fingers, and the pain jumping between my breasts, there would be no way I could do it. I was completely unaware of everything around me. I was certain that He would not stop pinching/twisting my nipple at the unbearable level that He was unless I could come. I was terrified that I would be there all night striving in pain to achieve something that was unattainable. I had no thought that my Master would stop it if He thought it became too much…. in my mind, there was no one to "save" me from the impossible situation. The rest of the experience was much more disjointed than what was already a hazy, surreal situation. I remember striving to do as He asked, but feeling hopeless about accomplishing the task. With the only physical contact being His arm supporting me and His fingers at my nipple, it would be impossible. I felt frantic for some type of solid contact. As shy as I feel with others than my Master, I desperately wished for Him to trail His hand down my body, between my legs, and help me over the edge. Without it, I would find no release. At some point in the experience, I had started silently crying. I became aware of this only when my face brushed the arm supporting me and I felt the cool wetness against my skin. I was completely unaware of everything save the sensations coursing through my body and the voice that never seemed to stop demanding that I do this thing simply because He commanded it. I felt as if the room was spinning around me, and I struggled to comply. At one point, Lord Prophett asked if I had come. For a brief instance, I considered saying yes just to get the sweet torment to end. I didn't feel as if I could, however. It was not a feeling born out of guilt. I just felt physically incapable of using my free will to extract myself from the situation. With my negative reply, the torment continued. I remember reaching out and grabbing His leg to anchor myself in my private spinning world. Lord Prophett's voice, which had not seemed to stop through out this whole time, continued to command. I can't recall what was said really except that I WOULD come because He commanded it. Without my awareness, my body began to respond to His commands. My muscles began to contract in the beginnings of desire, and my body seemed to move of its own accord. Even as I realized this, I continued to think, "I cannot do this". At some point His hand slid down to rest lightly above my bellybutton, and I began to feel what is best described as a heat in my stomach, between my bellybutton and my pelvis, followed by a light fluttering. Between my bellybutton and my ribs, I had the same sensation as when you are freefalling on a rollercoaster. My muscles were contracting, although I couldn't tell if I was striving towards a release or struggling to fight it off. My whole body felt alive and on end, which is much different that the feeling before an orgasm that I usually have that seems to center out from between my legs. I had one last thought of "I can't", and then all thought was gone as I tumbled over the edge. The fluttering and heat in my stomach seemed to flash out throughout my whole body, and left a sensitive tingling feeling in its wake. Although I never felt my pelvic muscles contract, I felt the rush of fluid that signals the wonderful release we all love. My next coherent though surfaced and I realized that I was still silently crying, which I am prone to do in intense scening with Master, and was still sitting limply at Lord Prophett's feet with my cheek against His arm. With a scoot, He sent me into the arms of Master and I began to try to come down from my amazing high. I would have never dreamed that it was possible, and to be honest, I think Master was pleasantly amazed also. I didn't feel as if I had come on command, but rather that Lord Prophett had willed it out of me, and all without any sexual contact. It is a very intense feeling to come but to not feel as if you are an active participant, or even have a choice in the matter! I think it is safe to say that it was an experience that Master and I will not soon forget!

Jerimy's Tina