One of the hardest things that I have had to work on since beginning this journey is allowing myself to "give up" control. Control of my temper, control of my actions, control of my thought processes, control of lots of things. But one of the hardest things I have had to give up control of is my mind. The way that I think and process and respond to things has been a struggle to me. First I had to admit that I even HAD these thoughts and feelings and that I was not some sort of pervert for having them...Then I had to work on admitting that LP was able to get me to think about/admit/DO things that I was embarrassed or scared of doing. These things took form in a variety of ways. Everything from having to expose myself to him emotionally to taking off my clothes for the first time. But one of the most profound forms that this takes is in His ability to make me have an orgasm simply by telling me to do so.

Now if you had asked me a year ago if this was possible, I would have said no, absolutely not. Anybody that SAYS that MUST be faking it. I spoke to a couple of people that claimed to be able to do so, but didn't really believe them. I honestly believed that what they CLAIMED as "cumming on command" was nothing more than them holding off until given permission. Well, HECK, I could do THAT...that was just not the same thing.

Shortly after Lord Prophett put his chain around my neck, I realized that there were ALOT of things that were no longer the same. Somewhere along the line, I figured out that when He told me to do something, I needed to figure out HOW to do whatever it was, even if I thought that it could not/would not happen. That is sort of how this happened...

Late one night, Lord Prophett and I had been playing for some time. I had already had two orgasms and was exhausted. I thought that I would love nothing more than to curl up and go to sleep. Lord Prophett apparently had other ideas. Out of the blue, He gave the command again. NO working me up to it, no stimulation, no nothing...just DO IT. DO it NOW, OR ELSE. Now, I have to admit, that the OR ELSE part of that phrase scared me a bit. I KNEW that I was done for the night. I prayed. I tried. Nothing. Then He said it again. He told me that if I DIDN'T, that would be the LAST orgasm that I would have for awhile. I cleared my mind and just let go. Let go of the inhibitions, let go of the doubt, let go of the impossibilities. That is when it just happened.

NOW, I am the first to admit that it was not what I expected. In fact, this scared me. I had expected the garden variety, uterine contraction type of orgasm. This was not like that. This was something different/deeper/more AND less intense at the same time. It was More intense on a mental level and less intense on a physical level. In fact, it was not in the genital area at all. This hit that spot in the middle of your gut that hits you when you flip over in a pool or that spot that you feel when you get your first kiss. That spot 2-3 inches up from your bellybutton. I felt like I had just been on a free fall or a really fast roller coaster. I felt a catch and a tightening of that muscle and then it relaxed. I realized that I was crying and panting and almost unable to catch my breath. In fact, Lord Prophett handed me my inhaler because I am not sure HE knew I was still breathing.

Since that first time, He has been able to do it successfully more often than not. I do not know of but ONE time that He gave the command and I was not able to comply.

While these are not the same, my body responds in similar ways. I have a hard time catching my breath, I can feel my pulse racing, and I still get the "yuckies" on my legs even though I do not feel the vaginal/uterine contractions. Instead I feel contractions that remind me of someone knocking the breath out of you. When these contractions occur , I imagine that you can actually see it happening through my skin. I have never watched to know for sure. But I do wind up incredibly sore sometimes the next day. Like I have pulled a muscle or something.

The thing about this is that I still sometimes fight it. I will struggle within myself and try to keep it from happening. I have known times that He has given this command and I just stared into his eyes and tried to keep it from happening. But I loose the battle every time. I reach that point where I acknowledge that it is His right/ His wish/ His orgasm to do with as He wishes and I stop fighting and allow it to wash over me. During those times I never take my eyes off of His. It is as if He feeds the need in me to drop the pretenses and let myself free fall and just know that He will catch me. I do not know if there is a moment that He can see it in my eyes as I give in, perhaps one day I will think to ask.

I do not always feel comfortable when He uses this power. Sometimes it is out in public and sometimes it is random. If there has been nothing leading up to it, it may take me a few seconds longer. One time we had been laughing and joking around and I just could not get there. I have to admit that it frightened me to know that I was "failing" Him by not doing as He asked. But He understood even if I didn't at the time.

Sometimes I wonder how and why this happens. Is it similar to hypnosis or mind control? Or
is it something far more basic? Is it as simple as "conditioning" like Pavlov's dogs. Is it subliminal messaging? I do not know. I love knowing the "whys and wherefore" of things, but sometimes you just don't get that luxury. Even Freud said "sometimes a cigar is just a cigar."
I can't explain how or why it happens. I just know that it does.

 

jade,

slave, The House of Darkwatch