Greetings A/all,

Here I pose a question.  Before I do I will say that I want to post
the responses in The Library at The House of Darkwatch Website.  I
will copy the response just as Y/you write it as well as whatever name
Y/you sign to it.  Feel free to use SN, real name or none at all.

This question was posed to Me the other day and I have been pondering
it.  I thought I would get further input as there are many views
concerning it.

So here it goes..........

How does O/one define the following (regardless of gender):

Be as general or specific as Y/you believe.  Please don't post any
outside articles concerning this as I am interested only in the
opinions of those on this list.

Prophett,
Lord, The House of Darkwatch

Below Y/you will find the replies.

From what I understand these terms to be, the following I identify as:

Top - an individual who is able to give sensation, but doesn't have to enjoy
or partake mental or emotional aspect of Domination.  boys can top if given
permission by their daddies as well as anyone who enjoys giving sensations.

Dominant - an individual who partakes or lives the lifestyle as a Dominant.
Activities include the BDSM spectrum.  They take responsibility of their
partner or submissive in their relationship.  However that control is limited
to whatever is negotiated between the two parties. It is also possible for
Dominants to not partake in sadistic activities

Master - Generally like a Dominant, however they assume absolute control and
responsibility for their slaves.  I have seen it go so far as the slave gives
their master power of attorney over them and their belongings.  Slaves have
no rights in this relationship.

I have never heard of a Grand Master, and I have traveled the US extensively
the past 18 months.  I'd like to know the definition to this one as well as
its historical origin and documentation (vis-a-vis what book did you get it
from or person).

bottom - is a person who enjoys receiving sensations, but do not mentally or
emotional take a submissive role in a relationship.  Daddy's can bottom (as
the saying goes, every Daddy has a Daddy) Tops may also bottom to another.

submissive - may not only like receiving sensations, but they may like to
serve or give virtually complete control of themselves mentally, emotionally
and spiritually to a Dominant based on what the two or more parties
negotiate.  It is not necessary to be a masochist to be a submissive.

slaves give up complete control to their Masters. They have no rights.  I
 have seen slaves that work, to benefit their masters.  I have also seen
slaves that did not work.  However in each case that master allowed the slave
to work.

Take care,
 T

             --------------------------------------------

Bottom - This is the mode for casual play, scening or otherwise being under someone else's control for a short period of time.  Note that a bottom may frequently be under control but if it is always for certain circumstances and types of play then this term applies.

Submissive - This is the mode for someone who prefers to hand over power and do service oriented acts and
have a deferring bearing as much as possible.  The person realizes that some things are not appropriate to
give up power or that there are times when she (sorry to the male subs) will not for practical reasons. for
example if the sub can handle the finances better then the Dom then running the budget is probably in both
their interests.  She may not act subby in public or at family functions.  The key here is the frequency and attitude.

 Slave - This is one who has given up or had taken the power of self decision for as long as the slavery lasts.  I really only see this as probable in kidnapping situations or where the external forces of society enforce the
submission and lack of rights.  However some submissive's do go beyond the frequency and level I consider
pure submissive behavior so I (very graciously of course) let them refer to themselves as slave.

 Again the terms are
Bottom - Yielding for a scene or event
Submissive - Yielding for the majority of the relationship and interactions within it.
Slave - Yielding totally all power, choice and free will.

Many people will look at a list like this and apply judgments and ranks to it.  I feel all are valid and appropriate to various people.  They all have their issues and to say one is better then the other is in my opinion rather narrow minded.  The best tat could be said this way is that one level is better or more desired by a particular individual.  I use the terms for analytical and classification purposes only, not for judgments or thinking who is better  then the other.  I just wish more people did the same.
 

So now that we have our terms out of the way and if your still awake and reading this...
 If you were in a submissive relationship then you had the right to question things.  You had the responsibility of bringing the questions up at appropriate times and in as much of a courteous and non inflammatory manner as possible.  Since it was a Dominant/Submissive relationship he had the responsibility to listen and consider.  If you expect him to go by your choices all the time then your Topping from the bottom and should be in a  Top/Bottom relationship.  However bringing matters to his attention and letting him decide is appropriate for a  Dominant/Submissive relationship.  If your uncomfortable with the decisions you have to decide if it is worth staying or not.  We all make these kinds of decisions all the time in relationships and I don't believe a D/s relationship is any different in the decision process. Just the protocol and handling.  You make the decision to stay or leave (consciously or not) whenever something happens.  For example..
He left the socks on the floor again
He left the seat up
He used my favorite toothbrush to clean the sink
He came home drunk
He was cheating on me
He still does not have a job
He slapped me in the face
He beat me so bad that I had to go to the hospital
He beat one of the kids so bad they had to go to the emergency room

As you can see some are minor and might add up after awhile but are not enough to quit an otherwise good relationship.  Others are more severe and would be grounds for immediate departure.  However I can sadly say from experience that not all would leave even if all the above occurred.  Frequently.  (oh, and in case there was any doubt I used real events in that list, and those were vanilla relationships).

So is it right to question things when he gives you an order?  Darn right and natural too boot.  Natural and
predictable.  A bottom or sub would question (at least internally) and probably do the action anyhow based on  trust and the desire to please (themselves as well as the Top/Dom) and a slave would either not question (will broken or subverted) or do because their was no choice anyhow.  If the command exceeds your limits or trust threshold then you have to decide if you want to question immediately, leave or do and question later.  If you find yourself consciously asking this question frequently and especially if the you then have to ponder it for a bit then your most likely not in the relationship you need to be in.  Move on

Kind of long winded but I felt the question merited it.

Rory

Oh, and the only Grand Master I recall the use of was for a Groups leader.
 That was only one group and they were most definitely Old Guard.

Dominant = Is His or Her natural born nature....Their behavior is Dominant,
Powerful...Thus He or She is in control of Their Own surroundings and with
the persons with whom They may share Their lives with such as a submissive
natured person...  One 'compliments' the other.

Master = Is the Boss all the time over slaves and/or subs He or She has
within His or Her ownership...collared submissives/slaves

Grand Master??? = i've never heard of one but i would assume God or a higher
powered Being one believes in...;-)

bottom = not the boss in the bedroom, so to speak...;-)   The one who submits
to a more dominant figures desires when it comes to sex only...It's ones
particular sexual 'kink' in my opinion...  Outside the bedroom, concerning
couples, is equality between the two for the most part in day to day living...

submissive =  Is his or her natural born nature....their behavior is
submissive thus he or she enjoys servitude towards another who is Dominant.
One 'compliments' an other, so to speak...;-)

slave = he or she is the personal property of a Master or Mistress.
Collared.... An owned individual with no responsibilities other than to obey
their Master or Mistress.  Totally dedicated and committed within their
servitude to their Master/Mistress for as long as they are in His or Her
possession.  Can be sold, given away or set free at any time by their Master
                 or Mistress.

                 Love Y/ya!...;-)
                 ~annie~

Top/bottom- The Top is solely concerned with sadism, while the bottom is
 solely concerned with masochism.  This pair feed off of each other's
particular fetishes.

Dominant/sub- These two are more focused on the power exchange aspects where
the sub submits (naturally) and the Dominant is in charge.  This couple may
or may not have sadistic tendencies, it's certainly not required.

Master/slave- This is a more formal term for Dominant/sub.  In the case of
the Master, the title is either something that is earned through a group or
agreed upon between the couple.  I would say that it also denotes a certain
expertise within the scene.  On the other hand, slave is a formal term for
someone who is "owned" by the Master.

There's certainly a lot more definitions than that out there.  People pretty
 much use these words without much attention to detail.  I'm curious to see
what everyone else has to say on the subject.

ladyshivers,
Lady, The House of Darkwatch

All of course is only my opinion...

Top = One who loves to play on Top. This person would be a good player, have
a wonderful toy bag, and be accomplished at many styles of play.  They would
be aficionados of fire, cupping, flogging, knife play etc.  They are not
however Dominant or into the Ds side of things... They just like to
play...and are probably very good at it.

Dominant = this is more .... To me, not only are they an accomplished Top,
they are also a Dominant personality.  They have a strong shoulder, a kind
heart, and a loving spirit.  They are intelligent, and honorable.  They are
born leaders, and know how to be strong, firm but also compassionate.

Master = All of the above, but again more.  The Master is one you trust so
completely, you not only give your self in submission to Him, you also give
your self to Him totally, allowing Him to be your total control, making all
decisions that touch your life.  you are His, and you trust him totally.  you
know He will choose only the best for you.  You have just given up free will
to abide by His alone.

Grand Master = All of the above, but One who has earned the title through
others not just a title He stuck in front of His name.  The originators of
this were in the Gay Leather Community where one started as a slave, and may
eventually come up to be Anther's submissive, then at some point learned the
duties of a Top, and at some point the community as a whole considered them a
Dominant... Then a Master, then a Grand Master.  Someone even other Masters
look up to.

Bottom = Someone who loves to play on the bottom.  Oft times these people are
not submissive at all.  They may or may not be masochists, but they love the
feeling of sub space, and just like to experience the sensations play brings.
 They often seem to be very dominant in spirit... sometimes lovingly referred
to as pain sluts or play me queens... <smile>

Sub = a person who is submissive by nature, but who reserves the right to
negotiate, and has total free will.  Each new endeavor be it play or personal
can be negotiated.  Oft times one starts as a submissive, and as trust and
honor of their Dominant grows, they metamorphoses into a slave...happens
without even knowing when... When you trust your Dominant enough that
negotiation is automatic... oops i am getting into slave....

slave = one who gives up all rights and control to their Master.  Trust and
understanding and communication are paramount.  one may argue and even cajole
a Master.. but when His command is given, one follows completely.  Master
Stephen Samson was at The S and M in Houston, and hearing Him talk about the
rights duties privileges and expectations of His slaves was wonderful.  You
do not loose who you are or become a door mat.  you gain the knowledge that
the One you serve is not only powerful, but loving and fair.  And that you...
can strive ti be all you can be as this brings only glory to the One you
serve.

susie

If Y/you would like to add Y/your thoughts to this thread
send them to Librarian@Prophett.net or Y/you can go to The Contacts
Page and send directly from there.